How Can We Make This Right for You?

What have we wrought ?

This whole Customer Service thing is out of control. Redundant as it may seem, it's just not what it appears to be. The twin evil outcomes of this revolutionary business discovery/invention are (1) companies that constantly remind us that Customer Service is their credo, while they gently withdraw all vestiges of real service, and (2) the subtle conditioning of a rabid public that is consistently rewarded for bad behavior.

Due to the editorial policies* of this e-zine and space limitations I will only be able to address the customer behavior aspect of this modern phenomenon. Since this is the Crackpot's Corner, I don't feel compelled to give a balanced evaluation of all customers, including the ones who justly deserve some kind of compensation. That's just not as interesting.

Just because the customer is always right doesn't mean that her behavior should be encouraged. It's not difficult to see why some of them have turned out this way. Within the retail atmosphere where I operate, the unreasonable, dissatisfied customer will always get what they ask for, just short of my head on a platter. They will be rewarded with free merchandise, gift certificates, letters of abject apology, or whatever their fertile imaginations can come up with when asked the question "How can we make this right for you?". The more impressive the tantrum, the bigger the prize. They will always get satisfaction. All I'm asking is that they be subjected to public condemnation of inappropriate behavior by one of their peers in addition. And forced to examine their behavior, at least until they make it safely to the cocoon of their mini-van. We taught them to behave like this. They have just been doing what works out in their favor, until now.

Okay, I do work in retail, so you may be asking yourself, "Why don't she and all her kind clean up their own mess?" I acknowledge that we have brought it upon ourselves, although we don't make policy at the store level, and by participating in the process I have gained a keen understanding of the predicament in which we now find ourselves. More importantly I have devised how I intend to implement my plan to reverse some of the disservice to society that we have done.

What I am proposing is an equal reward for any customer who vocally disapproves of pushy, rude, ugly mannered behavior on the part of a fellow customer. In my small sphere of influence I will monetarily reward any customer who openly criticizes the unreasonable or inappropriate behavior of another customer. No kidding, gift certificate or free book...er, merchandise unit, on the spot. Oops, don't want to reveal which sector of the retail world is my domain.

And while I'm in full rant allow me to address the phenomenon of bargain hunting, not just comparative shopping. Comparative shopping is a perfectly respectable endevour, but when customers toss back merchandise on the grounds that it is cheaper at AnythingMart, get in their 2 wheel drive all-terrain vehicles, drive to the next mall, trek across the expansive parking lot to the warehouse on the horizon, locate the desired totem, insignificantly less expensive, (but less expensive), and purchase it, they are indeed sending a message.

They are speaking with their pocketbooks, letting the retailer know. And what they are letting them know, what they are saying in a loud, loud voice is "My time isn't worth anything." And I couldn't be happier for them at their triumph.

Lisa Smillie
San Diego

Crackpot Corner